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well.. havent decided what i'm feeling right now...

i feel great seriously i do...but it also seems like my hearts not in whatever i'm going thru...i dont know what that means ...lol wow...my brain is scattered...

sat in the hospital with him last night.that sickle cell shit fucks me up, i want to be able to help the pain, but even when i rub him the pain still stays i dont understand it.


i didnt feel anything. i didnt allow myself to. i tired of that situation. so i've decided to be done with it.


jason. has become an asshole.

i've figured out why i dont want to leave him.

i dont want to leave him and have nothing. like no love. no compassion. but i think he blocking my blessings. but i havent come to that complete conclusion yet.i dont know what to think of it anymore.

i want so badly for things to get better in my life and i think they are progressively..thanks god.

i think that i've been robbed of a religion. or a choice. i'm not very "churchy" or very religious...my family is but not really.it was forced when i was little and i enjoyed it. but as i got older my mother never forced it. and it was never a "oh you have to go" thing. and i feel lost... i dont know what to do.

all i can do is pray.and continue to ask for some sort of guidance.

i wanna cut my hair. but i wanna add something to it for a while before i decide to do that.

eye.dee.kay...

anyways...so i got my phone...its cute...i really wanted the blackberry but whatever...maybe i'll upgrade later in life.

i'm proud of my personal growth. and the things that i've learned about me. i think that this is what i needed before i decided to do the thing that i was thinking about doing before i came to school.

I need to start going to class more. i really do.
i'm just tryin to get used to this change and growth feeling.
whatever.
My life my time...
God puts people in your life when he feels they're needed.

this person from my past really has changed. and wants me to see so bad.
but i'm not really feeling that right now.
i'm in my life alone.
no one but me...
i need to get used to that feeling.
i need to get a tighter grasp on my emotions.
cause like i told a friend
i'm the spokesperson for it. really.
anyways. i need to wash clothes and my ass...
i'm going...


p.s.- i use the "dots" alot and i wonder how i started doing that...
whatever...

my bff also just walked in with michelle this is really my crew...me, bunni, adrienne, and 'chellie gotta love them...


good night all.