Children

to me are the most precious thing on this earth until they turn 17-18 and then they think that they can pretty much do what they want and no one can tell them anything...lol i remember that age.
Anyway...

My current significant other and i just recently decided that we wanted to talk about children, which took a turn for the worst for me. I've known him for 4 yrs and counting(very slowly) but as many times that we've been in and out of a relationship the conversation of children never came up *surprisingly...* until yesterday.

He received a text message from a "friend" that asked"If your one of your children was gay would you be mad?" He then proceeded to scream and rant and say "hell yea"...and then on to say that he would "kill his son" and "put him out of his misery" which at that point disturbed my soul to the point of no return.

In my mind all i could think was,"how could that thought even come across your mind?" and"how can you think of your children and say that YOU want to physically kill them?"what kind of person would that make you? Would that make you a better parent?.and in his eyes he believes that he would be a great parent for"doing that for his son".

If anyone could have heard the coldness in his voice, it gave me chills. it felt like i was on the phone with a mass murderer. I hate feeling like i cant say what i want to someone that I'm with. and at that point i felt uncomfortable as fuck. and that i couldn't say shit.

He wants so much to love me..but you couldn't love OUR gay children?...what kind of man are you is all i could ask.
what could even begin to possess you to say a thing like that?..
i don't even understand...
maybe its me and the way that i was raised.
but i don't feel like he should any longer be a part of my life behind that...
i took offense to it because i myself LOVE WOMEN and he knows this..so for him to say that...appalls me...
my soul is still very much disturbed....

Maybe at this point its god telling me to leave him alone.

my roommate is pissing me off and she supposed to be my bff... but shes just feeling herself a little too much tonight... I'm gonna let her live tonight because I'm REALLY NOT IN THE MOOD like really... and shes hitting all the right fucked up spots...and I'm not into it tonight...at all...
well...


I'm off now...

Cherrelle tonight..


p.s.-awesome is really awesome to me now...like really awesome...lol :-D