the love.

the emptiness.

the vulnerablity.

the past.

the time.

the space.

i'm in love with the most beautiful man on the face of this earth.

his heart is so pure.

he just wants to protect his family.

I've been reading "Midnight" by sistah souljah, this book, has made the most mark on my outlook on life that i've ever read in life. its not like i'm a child and reading it just because. but this book makes me want to be a GREAT wife. be loyal and honest and true to the man that i love. there is a quote in the book that says "if a woman loves her husband she will follow him into a mudhut" that shit has stuck with me and in my mind. because...women AND men, believe that material is the most important thing in the world.

My own fiance' has said to me on many occasion that it doesnt matter where we are married or infront of whom. he just knows that at the end of it that he wants to be married to me and be able to spend the rest of his life with me.

i've fallen in love with a man that loves me genuinely. and if anyone attempts to harm me or disrespect me, he has a problem with that. he doesnt want outsiders around, nor be able to be as close to the point where they could do something of the ill sort.

Its a good feeling to know that someone loves me as such. I've been through a bad few but i've thankfully come across someone that loves me the way that i want them to. I have a MAN not someones child. that i have to raise, THANK GOD.

i love him.
Thank you for bringing him to me lord. i've been looking for him. and hes here finally.lol

i want jonathan to go away. leave my thoughts, leave my past. and leave my future. i dont want him to be able to connect with me. but i know that i have complete control over who gets to do that. i dont want anyone from my past to be able to come in and sense any kind of space and opportunity to do what they please.

i've given up hope on certain people. i just want to finish school, be with my husband, and be with my beautiful family.

I cry at random times. his love has consumed me. and i dont want to love anyone but him. NO ONE. he doesnt believe that i just want him. and i do. there is nothing that i want to do more than love him. and keep him happy. i want to be a wonderful wife, and mother. and friend. and i will be.

Thats all i can say.

i need to go and dry my tears some more.

Chantel.