soon.

there was once a point in this relationship where i could live without him.

now it feels like i cant breathe...i cant think, without his vocal approval over my day. And i dont know why. there was a point where it didnt bother me that i could go 4-5 days without him.

now i can barely go 1 (smdh).

there are feelings that i have equated with our love. feelings of completion, fullness, contentment, and being loved.

I know that i love me, that isnt a question in my mind, but when youre so used to someone expressing themselves so much, and in the way that he tells me(every 5 damn mins.) and then go from that to nothing. is just. wow. why now? why at this point in my life when i feel like i need so much and so many emotional issues are going on. i dont feel like his queen anymore. when i know that i am. and he my king, but why now? i dont like questioning god and his tests, or his actions. BUT, why now? i know that life isnt always what we all expect it to be. but why do we do so much work for what seems like nothing sometimes.

Building relationships,and homes for someone and usually ONE person only, to come in and destroy it?.

End it all, just because of their own selfishness. I dont want to be so territorial when it comes to my home and children, and family, but i feel like its my duty to protect the people around me from the bullshit of the ignorant people of the world.

But once you do that it just gives someone else the fuel to come in and WANT to tear it all down because its something that they dont have and dont want to acquire.

I dont want to shelter any of my family my children. anything.

(sigh) that part is done. i dont have anything left to do but cry.


there is too much clutter in my life. as i sit i'm on the bed that i sleep on looking across at the other bed...and the floor...and its a MESS for lack of a better word. i need to sweep, and clean and mop....just everything..and i really dont feel like it. i'm just UGH!

wtf is this?...

I cant wait until things get easier.

My horoscope said that things will get calmer soon enough... just be patient...wait it out.

and it seems like i cant wait...i'm just ready for the next part of my life...ready for new things to happen.

I'm 22 yrs old with what seems like nothing but everything accomplished.

I'm S.G.A President of my school, i'm the leader, people are following me and my actions, what i do and what the people in the government are doing...and i dont feel like i'm living up to the title that i've been given...Ugh!!i'm tired...

I'm done for now...

I need to cry and cleanse myself...i have to...

the tears wont fall.

but somethings got to give...
god's gonna fix it and work it out..i have to trust in him that all things will get better.

chantel.